hatred

i hope two years pass faster
i wanna leave here
two years
i wait
i wait
i tolerate
i tolerate

bitch ......im leaving
no more love
it is my limit
im leaving
hahahahahaha leaving
this two years see me fly bitch
i will fly out one day
two years working hard study damn freaking hard and
im gona fly ..............
never come back
haahaha

no more you ......
no more cursing
...........can't wait to leave

damn pits off
f.ck that bitch ........
i have my limits
u force me off limits then
see me on fire for once
sun of the bitch.......

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
u tot me how to hate u
u force me to do things i don't like
i think is time to give u the taste of being force...........

hhahahahahahahaha

hotel motel holiday innnnnnn

lets play see who can die of high blood pressure first ........

one two three game start hahahahahahah

damn damn boring
damn damn sad
damn damn pits off
damn damn emoing

shouting
cursing
no more harmony
only shouting
damn that f. thing
damn damn it

freak that old hack
pits off
fire fire fire fire fire
hate
hate
hate

hotel motel
hotel motel
forget ur boy friend and bring ur girl friend here
heiyo heiyo a mohei .... sofiea

freaky damn pits off
both ears plug in with earbuds ... listening to pitsbul song
shacking head ... just like i took pills
make some noise,.......................meet me at hotel room...........
meet me at room
forget ur bf and meet me at the hotel room

she on fire
boom boom boom
kena flat flat
hatred arouse
hatred arise ..............

2 plus 2 im gona undress u
3 pllus 3 u gona undress me \
hotel motel holiday inn........

vrummmmmm vrummmmmm
one
two
three
boom bomm
nagasaki toshiba toyota
boom boom
all die flat flat

high five on the left
high fivef on the right
both cheek got a ten five .....

hotel motel holiday inn
bing bong piang
bruises on hands ....
in reddish

shake shake head
shake shake head
muaheiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

tolerate that old hack
tolerate that bitch












hate hate here
wanna leave here
im insane liao
hahahahahahaha

meet me at the hotel room...............

bitch bitch bitch bitch .........
i hate u uuuuuu










u can bring ur gf
we at the hotel motel holiday inn
we ate the hotel motel holiday inn

suffocating in this h o u s e = hell
im insane d looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
hotel motel holiday inn


crazy crazy

te amor ...

mia mor te amor ...b te amor ... te amor teamor

Te amo, te amo
She says to me, I hear the pain in her voice
Then we danced underneath the candelabra she takes the lead
Thats when i saw it in her eyes its over

Chorus
Then she says te amo then she put her hand around me waist
I told her no,
She cries Te amo i told her im not gonna run away but let me go
My soul is crying, without asking why
I said te amo, wouldnt somebody tell me what she said
Dont it mean I love you
Think it means I love you
Dont it mean I love you

Te amo, te amo, shes scared to breathe
I hold her hand, i got no choice uhh
Pull me out on the beach, danced in the water, i start to leave
Shes begging me and asking why its over

Chorus
Then she says te amo then she put her hand around me waist
I told her no,
She cries Te amo i told her im not gonna run away, but let me go
My soul is crying, without asking why
I said te amo, wouldnt somebody tell me what she said
Dont it mean I love you
Think it means I love you
Dont it mean I love you
Think it means I love you

Then she says te amo then she put her hand around me waist
I told her no,
She cries Te amo i told her im not gonna run away but let me go
My soul is crying, without asking why
I said te amo, wouldnt somebody tell me what she said
Dont it mean I love you
Think it means I love you
Dont it mean I love you
Dont it mean I love you
Think it means i love you

i want to go for hiking be near mother nature
i want to go for sanding beach bath
i DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE
i Dont want to be stuck in this damn room

lonely ......
nightmare after nightmare terrifying me
family apart
i want to leaver this place
what is family ?
i hate myself when im weak

emoing

not really in good mood

haven spoken more than ten sentence of word the whole day

went to chi ji food fair

help to buy food .. the journey there was silence

mum went on her own

dad went on his own

came back

mum bang the door lock herself in it

dad sat in living room doing nothing

me ... what to do ... be there witnessing the cold war

mum went out the whole day

dad do his thing

me stuck in this damn house doing nothing

friends doing CS thing ....
although it is tiring
i still prefer to be there
than being here seeing all this thing happening

i rather being used my someone else
at least im useful
than staying in here

i want to go out the whole day ...
don't wan to see all this ..............

sleepless night

i miss him alot ...
i understand he has things to do ...
again i had the same bad nightmare replay everytime
everytime i cried because of the nightmare

the nightmare is indeed terrifying
im afraid of being alone
don't want to be dumb .....

head pain

very painful
eye pain
stuffy in room
stuck in this room
bored to death d......

so uncomfortable........

heatbreaking , ,, evengeline has sore eyes

heartbreaking

to see them querral

heartbreaking

to see them fight

heartbreaking

when words that pierce through ur heart was utter by her

heartbreaking

when u are useless

heartbreaking

when u are cursed

she cursed evengeline again

tearsdrop on her cheek

sob in silence

unable to utter a single word

unable to flee herself just like what her father did

she was locked up facing her

her belongings ( hp and laptop) gone

starving in these black room

accompany with tears that never stop

sobbing in silence she can do

she hide herself in her blankets


bing bang doors bang she heard

shouting and cursing of painfull words she heard

phone ringing and no one can answer she heard

her heart breaking she heard

words describing how useless she can be she heard

thinking deeply ....

she was indeed useless

she was indeed a big fat lier

she was indeed nothing compare to her

she heard everything except the whipping sound when she cries


alone in this dark room

feeling hungry and cold

she shoo her off, she don't want to see her ' sui ' face

he and her brother escape as usual

she can't utter this to anyone

she has to keep it in silence as usual

eyes are dry

heartbreaks

thinking again ... where these process never end

it continue on and on and never again she sees a full stop


who is she ? what is right what is wrong ? agains she is lost

how can all these change so suddenly

one minute they laugh and enjoy it was so warm feel like a familly

the next minute tornado arrive ........

she hope for peace........
she hope she can disappear in the air just like vapour.....
she hope she was never born .......

evengeline first trip with nicky

it was a thursday morning
after a non peaceful sleep yesterday
finally the clock strick sharp at 6 am
energetic evengeline headed to the bath room for shower
tick tock tick tock
she's finally dressed waiting for driver to reach
she was excited , damn excited
she wore red tops and black long pants with a black plain jacket
there he was dress up in the same colour as hers making both of them wearing couple outfits
he drover her back to his house to join his relatives that were going to...
first time she met his aunties .. they were friendly and funny
the way they talk doesn reflect their status as auntie and youngster
in fact they are like friends .......

there she was
on her way to genting ....
it was a long ride
finally around 2 pm they reach genting
the cool breeze ... the fresh non polluted environment except for those idiots that smoke
pollute the air
she loves it all ...
there was some delay in checking in ...

one day gone .....night falls after dinner it is officially pig time ( zzzz_)
outdoor theme park was her favorite
she got to ride those thrill exciting games roller coaster

another day gone ..they head back to the island
home sweet home

private chatting with jason

obstacles after obstacles in evengeline love line

she really don't understand why they likes her ?

in garden jason was gentleman enough to pull a chair for ladies to sit
he sat beside evengeline
they start with simple command genuine conversation
as we talk we laugh and joke about everything
he was friendly once he is warmed up

evengeline know what her mum was up to
just pretend not to know

she thinks of nicky from time to time

jason was the guy that fulfil her mum's requirement
he is a perfect guy

sending him back home
on the way back someting is playing in her mind

how is she going to show nicky to her mum ?
when her mum has her choice in mind
nicky and jason are two perfect guy in their own way
nicky's uniqueness is a total disaster and totally totally way out from her mum's listed criteria

each time thinking of all these
she is worried........
struggling between her dream
her studies
her race towards scholarship
her friends her besties

thinking......
thinking deeply ......

facing lie and truth

lie after lie she said just to be with nicky
she worries one day auntie julie will find out the truth

evengeline reluctant to leave her cozzy bed
first thing she did was to look for her phone
there are 3 sms
two from nick
and one from sum1

struggling to reveal the truth
evengeline is in dilenma
thinking hard what she need to do
as she thinks she was lost
she nearly decide to end this relationship

her mum pushing here to the edge
pushinng her over the limit
as time passes by her mum brought back someone bck
evengeline name him (jason)

she think to herself
why is her mum keeps doing this kind of thing
first a guy then now jason
it seems that mum tryi ng to pull string
is her mum using her as a stepping stone to another success ???

at first she had a hazzy start with zj and broke in swip swap and start with nicky
the ups and downs spinning her round and round
she was guilty that she hurts someone that cared for her so much
she knows it well zj really really cares for her but her heart is not there for him
evengeline never want to hurt anyone and now she did it
she's afraid that history will repeat again and this time it is nicky .....

jason is auntie julie's friend's son
he is 19 years old , a JPA scholar , studying dentistry
jason was a kind well manner and intelligent guy
he looks cool cool yet he has his way to PROduce humour
auntie julie send them both outside leaving two youngster in private
...........

the surprise phone call

hello she said
david replied and they started to talk
evengeline was nervous .. but these time something was missing
she coudn't feel her heartbeat that used to drum out loud ...
they chat, telling each other about what they were up too updating recent event

suddenly david said to evengeline
you changed
evengeline just smile in silence saying UH HUH really What did i change?
david praise her that she became much lady like and adorable
wau~~~~ thats a surprise .. this kind of words dreamt by her before in her dream
and now all these is happening ?????
if david would say this a few years back im sure evengeline would be happy
david pull the conversation back to his motif......he ask am i available , he knew i secretly admire him before and hope to get a starts...
she was stunned a moment and pinch herself twice
thinking deeply evengeline reveal the fact that she is unavailable
they continue their conversation as friends before ending
david said I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU. IT IS A GREAT LOST THAT HE DIDN'T ACCEPT HER AFFECTION BEFORE . IF EVER THERE'S A CHANCE HE WOULD NEVER LET GO .

lost of count ... evengeline think deeply
including david and nicky it has been the fifth time people saying the similar words to her
she thinks deeper in her own land ...
what makes those guys fall for her ?
she ain't preety , she doesn't have coca cola body shape she is nothing good at all
she wonders keep wondering ... and always wondering
why guys likes her ...
she never understand this fact...

mum's screaming bring her back to reality
house chore waiting and here she goes , both hands burried in chores
as her hands working her brain never stop
keep thinking what makes those guys falls for her ???
and thinking of nicky as well
imaginating nicky playing basketball and futsall..
silly her let nicky's image conquer her mind...
and smiles hook up in her face ....

dear friend read my blog from day to day as in a story book
p.s keyin remember the story u wrote ... mine is similar to yours hope u understand it

its the start of something new

just like the song in high school musical
ITS the start of something new

evengeline was enjoying every moment she had and spent with nicky
of cos nicky was adorable as usual keeps giving evengeline surprises
it is so unique that just only for a day of seperation could bring happy go lucky evengeline to sad down mood ...
she missed him a lot ... even evengeline question herself why is nicky in her mind
why is nicky appearing ... i suppose thats the poison of love

poor evengeline has to lock herselp in her nasty small room
reading lame books to keep herself occupied
time passes ...
dawn fall and dinner bell rings
she had a non home cook dinner with her family
at first everything seems fine ...pappy and mammy was joking around
lame dinner customer service bring mum's fire back to the top
ruin the perfect dinner
evengeline was quite down... and a shocking news she receive
nicky was injurt silly her rush to the toilet and make a silly call
what a relief she is when everything was STLL IN one piece
evengeline can't put her head in peace eating her food as nicky was starving on the other side

surprise surprise
evengeline ever before secretly admire and adore guy appeared out of no where
this mistery guy name after david
evengeline adore this guy for 4 years secretly
she was shock to see him here ( this kind of accidental meeting dreamt by evengeline before)
never in her life to see him again in such a place

that night she lean again her bed thinking about the pass and present
how amazing evengeline secretly admire him for so long ... and now she has nicky
she thinks to herself how greatful she is to have nicky by herside
she is contempted ... she just want his care and nothing more ...
as she thinks a surprise call from david
she blink twice and pinch herself at her face
to assure she aren't dreaming
evengeline calm herself down and answered the call

summary of the week

evengeline was a girl that never believe in love like discussion
now she is the love line
romance enter her life
at first she doubt of the truth
escaping every attempt
but this time
she faced it and accept it

how to say she is really lucky in a way that nicky , her bf was so
caring,
daring,
egoic,
funny,
guffy attitude
generous in spending
honest in a way ,
loving
protective guy
he gave evengeline secureness that she seek for long

every moment they spend together became her storyline of her own
pieces of sweet memory became the melody of her own music
everytime they are together sweet melody are heard and sweetness are felt
enjoying every memorable time together
doing silly thing
as silly girl would do
jumping , hoping ,giggling ,teasing and tickling

for just a short one month trial
they form lots of music notes
acc as they hike up moutain and stiffy slope
dcc as they enjoy sandy beaches

evengeline and nicky relationship improve dramatically
even evengeline herself was shock that how deep she step into the trap
for the first time really having a boyfriend was a miracle for a girl like her
she was cared, loved and pampered like a baby
she enjoy it and greed for more

everything went perfectly well that evengeline fear to loose it
she said and think to herself
i wonder... how long we can last
i hope there will never be a fullstop in our relationship
but i can only hope that there will never be the end
i know that one day i will leave this island to a far foreign land
thats my greatest hope ......to explore to adventure a new journey
how soon would this one day be ?
and how it would changes this when that day comes?

nightmares awaken her terrifying her....

im so confuse
....
y can't i just be cold blooded don't bother people

i hope that i can be one
the cold one............

im so confuse.......

am i right to start this relationship??

should i end it or continue

parents on war at the edge of the cliff

myself lost in love vein that i doubt of it

is it true is it real i question
'
myself doubt of reality

lost

how i hope to escape

yet force to held your head up

facing it

feeling so unsecure always

friends seperate

so unsecure

relationship is still new and fresh

how long would it last i doubt

afraid of what it will be ...........

be the lost one

i told you i change
im sorry
really sorry
i fall for someone not you
your feelings is so strong
that touches my soul
but no is still the answer

time passes you will forget of me im sure of it
its all too late ....
if you would let me know this before i have this relationship
i would think twice
you are a nice guy
really nice
you treat me so nice so so nice that im so lucky to have you
but it is all too late
why didn't you express urself better before

now i can't turn back but to hurt u twice
i know u tell me all everything about you
u share ur secret
u trusted me
yet im so bad to doubt at you before
our so call 'NOT officially on relationship "
is a memory for me ...because u are the first person that cared for me
first person to know about my past .........
first to feel hurt when i got beaten
u tolerate my nonsence understand me when im in trouble
but we are two different type of people
to be practical indeed i have to think as whole
you will only feel pressure be with me ...........

i changed im bad
everyone saying i changed
im bad bad bad
im no more the innocent wendy
im no more the guai girl that tolerate everything
im no more the wendy that will put people before myself
im becoming selfish
im bad that i hurt people now..................................................................

let go of me i pray one day u get a better girl ...........
bye bye
~~~~~
my deepest apology

butterfly fly away ...its time to say goodbye

i made a terrible mistake
im sorry that i hurt you
.....the mistake i made will follow me forever
it is better that i disappear
im so so so sorry i hurt u and sorry i can i say
nothing more can be said to express how i feel
im happy that i have ur care before
im so lucky that when im alone you are there to care for me
im really blind to let you go but yet i let you go
although it is just a few months we enter the semi relationship state
i didn't know that you put in all ur feelings in it
i don't know what makes u fall in so deeplly and i hurt you more when u care for me so much
im really sorry if u want to break this friendship bond im ok
because hx said before it is over for me to ask you to be my friend ......
forget about me ba.... i don't deserve you put in so much efford
im bad and mean .....you should not had fall for me ...

i will pray in silence that you will find a better girl ... better girl that will appreciate you...
i will disappear from u from now on ....
sorry that stupid me hurt u
sorry that i din't know you like me so much
sorry for everything i done
its too late for me to go back and i won't want to go back ....
im confused
im so so confused
why why .... why did i made such a mistake....

bye my dear friend ...
i will always treat u as friend if u hate me i can only say i deserve it
bye bye........
heart hurts to say bon voyage
ti amor biasco tian to
meh amor bon vu glan c do eh du mia c foru
ti amore bon voyage
bye bye .....

thursday had my english test
ok lo the test
but got k because make careless mistake

friday went to study at 'fo xue yuan '
study hubungan etnik

saturday had test for he
ok lo can do most of it just hope i won't die all lo
today i got a sms from zj saying that he don't want to be my friend
im so sad
maybe im stupid to take friendship that important
but i do really take it serius i can just do anything to make my friends happy

im so sad....
so sad.................

sunday i had a bad dream i dream that im alone
i dream that keyin forgot me
huixian don't know why don't want to bother me
louise mad at me leaving me alone
and saying lots of things hurting me
im alone
im afraid terrify
so scared............
i dreamt that he left me ........im alone
is because im so clumsy
friends leave me alone

i so scared that i cry when sleep
and awake in shock
so scared and receive sms from zj saying that im bad
im mean
i don't want to be alone
..............

family problems starts ...the d words appeare from time to time
very soon i will be alone
i really miss keyin xian , louise, meiping ,yising ......gege....jie jie .....
i don't want to be alone............................

belated tuesday post

today is a study day
erm i went back to heng ee to meet ding dong
and some other old mates
kinda miss them
today i use my car of cos he became the driver
then we went to have a vegetarian lunch ....met jian chun haha
then we proceed to mc d to study
i hate an appointment with zj
he came with his friends
so he is on the other side while im on the otherside with a koala bear
sleeping/reading books
later on met wei jie and his geng sitting beside my table studying
around 5pm ... we went to the four tiang and walk walk
erm became zilian snapping foto ... then enjoy the evening breeze
went home do the usual thing then sleep

oh ya i forgot one thing i met KEYIN'S MUM AND GRANDMA
haha
she was shock to see me there
we had a small chat ... erm ... (gossip about keyin hahah)

wednesday 2 september

today is the happiest day of my life arrrrrrr
im too happy till i can't express it out
he manage to fulfill two of my dream arrrrrrrrr
greatest dream of all im so touch.....so happy till im speechless for a moment

well the story goes like that
morning went out to release tension
then makan nasi kandar
first time on his bike ........
then watch district 9 i was sleepy that i dos off.....
then went to get notes from zj
then went home ...

around 840 pm i met him
before that receive a tunder message saying that something very serious
for a spur of moment i was worry ... all sorts of negative things playing in my stupid head
but not for once that the slide he would give me a purple crystal
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
im so so so so so so so so times a million time im sooooooo happy
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i can't express all out i can only say that im really really really happy
now locking myself in my room WHICH i SHOULD BE studying
but im too happy till tomorrow exam is nothing hahaha ( notty me )
as i type looking at it
it amaze me .....oh my god ... i dreamt of it so long
sooo loong each time i passes by the shop my eye never get out from it
now it is in my hand arrrrrrrrrrr so happy
for so many years i was hoping that a a friend or maybe a family member that might understand me well will give me a purple crystal as a present
but one thing really surprise me ......
is that even my closest friend and my family member that know me for so long or maybe longer than him never gave me this.......
a stranger i would say as i know him for around two month or so
that without noticing it........
step by step he influence me ....
for around 12 days ....this short 12 days really became my memory
PURPLE CRYSTAL that is costly yet still is in my hand
PURPLE the colour of my life
purple crystal the colour of my hope
and now it is in my hand

im deeply deeply touched
i could fly up high if i have wings now.........
it is so amaze that i got my long long hoped present from him........

thanks alot .............thanks alot